Hole In My Heart: memoir and report from the fault lines of adoption, by Lorraine Dusky
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Hole In My Heart: memoir and report from the fault lines of adoption, by Lorraine Dusky
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HOLE IN MY HEART is the compelling story of a mother separated from her child by adoption in the Sixties and the state-imposed secrecy that keeps them apart. Defying convention, Lorraine Dusky reunites with her daughter in the early Eighties when such reunions were rare, and in the process becomes a staunch advocate for reform of America's antiquated adoption system. The author gives an inside look on the emotional turmoil following reunion for both mother and daughter. Dusky, with her award-winning journalism background, deftly weaves in crucial psychological research that places her personal heartbreak in a larger context, and illuminates the hard truths that are at the center of every adoption—loss, guilt, abandonment and an incomplete sense of identity. Her daughter, the adoptee with two families, also speaks of the complications and uncertainties that infuse her life. A birth mother's story you will not forget.
Hole In My Heart: memoir and report from the fault lines of adoption, by Lorraine Dusky- Amazon Sales Rank: #877500 in Books
- Published on: 2015-06-03
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .65" w x 5.50" l, .74 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 288 pages
Review "With fierce perceptivity, Dusky demonstrates how the [memoir] genre itself can do important cultural work as it challenges and subverts the prevailing moral standards that affect the lives of natural mothers and the children they surrender...Expertly weaves the personal with the political and the result is not only one natural mother's story of sorrow, frustration, and helplessness, but also the advent of an imperative social change."--Janet Mason Ellerby, author of Embroidering the Scarlet "A", Concerned United Birth Parents Newsletter"In this brilliantly crafted and compelling memoir, Dusky covers all perspectives: her own grief and pain as a first mother, her daughter's anger and longing, and the adoptive parents' fears...I was equally astounded by her ability to flawlessly weave in facts about adoption practices over the years, the impact of adoption on both adoptees and birth mothers, and the lack of progress to unseal records."--Denise Roessle, author of Second-Chance Mother, Adoption Today Magazine"...an intricately-crafted, tender and honest reminder of the damages suffered by parents and children amidst even the best-intentioned of adoption decisions. Hole in my Heart should be required reading for all who are contemplating placing a child or adopting for this precautionary tale offers poignant lessons about the importance of adoption being an option of last resort; the inadequacy of openness and/or reunion as a salve for lifelong adoption losses; and the need for adoptee rights legislation in America."--Elizabeth Jurenovich, director of Abrazo Adoption Services, San Antonio"Birthmark changed my life. Dusky's words gave me the courage to search for the mother who lost me to adoption. Now Lorraine has done it again. I read Hole in My Heart cover to cover in one sitting. It is high drama--and a riveting case for adoption reform. Dusky shines a spotlight on the harmful outcome of closed adoption, and the lasting impact of secrecy upon relationships." --Jean Strauss, adoptee, author of Birthright, filmmaker, A Simple Piece of Paper "...a tour de force you won't be able to stop reading til the final page. Her story is modern and retro, tough and tender, romantic and profoundly honest. She illuminates the power of transgenerational longings and enduring genetic attributes. All richly enhanced by historical details about adoption laws and practice. Another masterpiece by a gifted writer.--Delores Teller, natural mother, post-adoption therapist, past president of the American Adoption Congress "Dusky eloquently evokes the painful circumstances and social pressures that led to the loss of her child to adoption, and the multi-layered complexities of reunion and relationship with her daughter. ...a compelling manifesto for why our culture and legal system must re-think and reform adoption down to its roots.--David Smolin, adoptive father, Professor of Law and Director, Center for Children, Law, and Ethics, Cumberland Law School, Samford UniversityI felt that I was listening in to Lorraine's experiences across the years somewhere between her heart and her skin. Dusky writes as most people think. --Pam Hasegawa, adoptee, founder of AdoptionNS@yahoogroups.com former board member, American Adoption Congress Dusky writes the truth, but with a gentle poetic quality which makes those truths easy to understand and accept. HOLE IN MY HEART is beautiful, powerful, and painful. But most of all it is the truth. --Nancy Verrier, adoptive mother, psychologist, author of The Primal Wound and Coming Home to Self "Dusky's compelling memoir is a tough reminder of the shame of being an 'unwed mother' in the sixties, as we both were. With lyrical prose and unwavering commitment she advocates eloquently for adoption law reform." --Justice Faith Ireland, Washington State Supreme Court, (Ret.)Hole in my Heart boldly details the relinquishment, search and reunion with her daughter while interspersing facts about both past and current adoption practices. Adoptees, adoptive families, birth family members and adoption professionals will find important information and suggestions for more humane adoptions interspersed throughout this compelling autobiography. --Marilyn Waugh, American Adoption Congress DECREE
From the Back Cover "Stunning...Dusky's writing is passionate and eloquent. Her restraint in telling her tragic, timeless and redemptive story is an extraordinary feat. I was moved to tears. Hole In My Heart is a tour de force that should be read by everyone."--Kiana Davenport, author of The Spy Lover "Dusky disproved the myth of the natural mother in the closet in 1979 with Birthmark; now she exposes the hard realities at the core of adoption before--and after--reunion in her haunting memoir. Hole In My Heart will change the way people think about adoption."--Florence Fisher, founder of ALMA (Adoptees Liberty Movement Association) and author, The Search for Anna Fisher "Dusky's courageous, honest book puts a human face on the emotional minefield of adoption while navigating an often-hidden truth--that at the heart of every adoption, there are issues of loss, guilt, emptiness, abandonment and an incomplete sense of identity. Much more than a good read, Hole In My Heart integrates many important research findings that support the universality and truth of Dusky's personal experience."--David Kirschner, PhD, psychoanalyst, author of Adoption: Uncharted Waters
About the Author Lorraine Dusky is an award-winning journalist, editor and author. Her controversial memoir, BIRTHMARK, published in 1979, is the first from a mother writing about the grief of giving up a child to adoption. While intent on breaking out of "women's news" in the Sixties, Dusky's greatest interest lies in dissecting injustices against women, possibly an outgrowth of her extensive magazine writing on adoption loss. Her other books include THE BEST COMPANIES FOR WOMEN and STILL UNEQUAL: THE SHAMEFUL TRUTH ABOUT WOMEN AND JUSTICE IN AMERICA. Dusky won two Exceptional Merit Media Awards (EMMAS) from the National Women's Political Caucus for pieces in Self and McCall's, and was a finalist for a National Magazine Award for a piece in Town & Country. Her work has been anthologized and is frequently reprinted. Opinion pieces have appeared in The New York Times, Newsweek, USA Today, Newsday, Cosmopolitan, and numerous daily newspapers on a variety of subjects. She has been a senior editor at Town & Country, Working Woman and McCall's, and a contributing editor of Yoga Plus Joyful Living. First Mother Forum, which she originated in 2008, is one of the premier blogs on adoption loss and reunion. She and her husband, the writer Anthony Brandt, together wrote He Said, She Said, a humor column for Glamour in the early nineties on the trials of being an egalitarian two-career couple. A graduate of Wayne State University, Dusky was the first female managing editor of The Daily Collegian. She and her husband make their home in Sag Harbor, New York.
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Most helpful customer reviews
15 of 15 people found the following review helpful. The Decade’s Most Important Book on Adoption By Richard H. Hill Hole in My Heart is many things. First of all, it’s the captivating, first person story of the author’s journey from unwed mother to revered spokesperson for adoption reform. Along the way she reunites with the child she gave up for adoption. Through decades of up and down relationships with her daughter and the girl’s adoptive family, Dusky helps readers understand the challenges and trauma of adoption from all sides.Along the way, the author pauses her personal story to inform us about the world of adoption through Facts and Commentary chapters. A longtime advocate of adoptee rights, Dusky gives us the insider’s scoop on everything from shady adoption practices to the latest research on adoption issues.An adoptee and writer myself, I thought I knew a lot about adoption. But I discovered some surprising facts between the covers of this book. With nearly a hundred footnotes, Hole in My Heart is a great starting point for anyone wishing to explore this subject.The book also provides an important glimpse of American society as it used to be. Today, with nearly 50% of babies born to single mothers, it can be hard for younger readers to imagine the overwhelming shame felt by unwed mothers and the enormous pressure they faced to give up their babies.Finally, this story reminds us all of the roads not travelled. Lorraine clearly demonstrates how certain decisions to say or do something—or not—can eventually corner us…propelling our lives down an entirely different path from what otherwise might have been.While Dusky’s life may not have been the one she would have chosen, her willingness to share her struggles has enriched the lives of many, including the readers of this book.
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful. Much More Than a Birthmother Memoir By Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy Lorraine Dusky's "Hole in My Heart" is more than a good compelling story. While it is a gripping tale of one woman's journey though life as a birthmother; it is a story of an adoptee and the very real risk and challenges that many adoptees face. It is a story about forks in the road, choices lost and missed communications. It is a story about adoption, the history of adoption, and the story of adoption reform in the United States. With all this any reader will receive a true education about the reality of adoption.I love that Lorraine does manage to weave in what really can be considered major points about adoption that must be understood. I was soothed by the familiar mentions of studies on the long term outcomes of birthmothers ( not good), the risks of secondary infertility, the suicide risks posed to adoptees, challenging the concepts of adoptees as " healthy and happy", the mythology of birthmother confidentiality, the current adoption practices with questionable ethics, and the history of sealed adoption records along with the quest for adoption reform most especially in New York. These are the facts that make this so much more than a memoir and a book that should be read by anyone who is at all touched by adoption.What Lorraine does do beautifully, is weave story around factual informational and documented research in a way that greatly adds to one's understanding about adoption practices in America. I would hope that a reader could accept and want to understand the reality given the parameters of the story; it is the story, sad and heart wrenching as it is, that makes the research more palatable. At least I hope so."Hole in My Heart" isn't light reading, but it is compelling and necessary. Perhaps it is best described as s strong dose of medicine; a strong antidote to adoption mythology, and a injection of raw honesty wrapped up in a riveting story of a life uncommon to most, much like a spoonful of sugar. The truth goes down smooth leaving needed ethical questions emerging as an aftertaste.
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful. A powerful, important book By Amazon Customer Lorriane Dusky is a thoughtful, evocative and talented writer, with a genuinely important and insightful story to tell. Don't take my word for it; read Hole in My Heart -- which I hope people in and out of the adoption community will do -- and I'm certain you'll agree. I especially hope that policy-makers will read it, because what they would learn could change lives. -- Adam Pertman, President of the National Center on Adoption and Permanency and author of "Adoption Nation"
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