After: The Life of the Wife of a Sex Addict, by Amy Dexter
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After: The Life of the Wife of a Sex Addict, by Amy Dexter
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What would you do if you found out the person you loved had been lying to you from the moment you met? One moment, she was a wife of long-standing to her adored husband, a mother to the new child they had longed for. The next, life as she knew it was over as she discovered that her husband had been an acting sex addict for years. This heart wrenching memoir follows a young mother on her journey as she learns who her husband really is--and has been through the duration of their marriage. Weaving the story between her childhood and the reality she now lives in, and explaining the in-depth shame her husband has carried around for decades, this book is both revealing and uplifting. This book is for any man or woman who has dealt with the devastating consequences of spousal sexual addiction, the terrible loneliness that arises from it, and the strength you can find within yourself after.
After: The Life of the Wife of a Sex Addict, by Amy Dexter- Amazon Sales Rank: #329205 in eBooks
- Published on: 2015-06-25
- Released on: 2015-06-25
- Format: Kindle eBook
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful. Filled with honesty By Crystal Powers This book conveyed the realities of addiction and all those affected by it. That, in real life, there are no "villains" just multi-faceted people. And some have deep, dark secrets.The people are so relatable and it's written where your heart bleeds for them all. You just want to hug them and tell them it will be okay during most of it.I look forward to discussing this book in great detail with my friends after they finish it. And see the emotions that surface.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. No one said marriage to a sex addict was easy By blondewriter99 Back in the day, a man like Amy Dexter's husband would have been called a rogue, a ladies' man, a dog, or a Kennedy. These days, he's called a 'sex addict.' The author makes a decent case that her husband's 'issue' - which is essentially that he can't go half an hour -LITERALLY- without having a sexual experience with another woman, or at least trying - is an addiction rather than just a character flaw.John puts everything in danger to get his 'fix' - whether it's his health (he unsurprisingly contracts a venereal disease), his life (one time he is kidnapped while being serviced by a hooker, only to return the next night for more servicing), his reputation (two teen girls blackmail him after he flashes them) or, most especially, virtually every relationship in his life. No woman is off-limits to John - be it his brother's wife, his wife's friends, his friends' wives. But the relationship he puts most in danger is, of course, the one with his at-first clueless wife, Amy.Amy is barely out of her teens when she meets John, a man old enough to be her father, who has two grown children. She has no idea of his predilection to have sex or try to have sex with any breathing female he happens to come into contact with. John is so addicted to the validation that comes with seducing women that even though he lies in excruciating pain in the hospital, with his long-suffering wife taking care of him, he figures out a way to flirt with his nurse.John makes overweight, insecure Amy feel loved and desired for the first time - despite the fact that, ironically, he doesn't want to have much sex with her. Soon enough, they're married, and after several miscarriages, have a child.Amy doesn't discover her husband's secret life of almost constant furtive sexual behavior until he tests positive for herpes and the whole sordid story comes tumbling out. For reasons that aren't entirely clear, Amy never considers leaving him in those early days, but instead becomes obsessed with knowing every minute detail of his sexual shenanigans - and then confronting every woman - including some of her good friends - that John had been sexual with.At this point, Amy is stuck. She's not only bonded deeply to John in every way imaginable, but they have a young child, and she is jobless, without a car, and relying on her husband to support her and their child in a small, economically-depressed town.Speaking of that town, it's unclear if the town's name (I think it's Hemlet) is real - but try to imagine a town where every other woman walking the streets is a prostitute, and where John, a seemingly ordinary middle-aged man, has no trouble enticing virtually every woman he comes into contact with to drop and give him oral sex (oddly, he never seems to reciprocate - yet the ladies come back for more). Others merely talk sex with him or let him eyeball them while he masturbates. I don't know if this town is the norm, but if not, some scientist should study it. Might be something in the water.It would be easy to hate John - for obvious reasons - and Amy, for sticking with such a person. But the author does a decent job of limning what is good in their marriage - this is a man who comforts her through several excruciating miscarriages, who withstands her near-constant (though justifiable) rages, and who genuinely seems to love her.John finally begins getting therapy for his sexual addiction - but given that the meetings are a long drive away and John has frittered away a monetary windfall that the couple have received - he doesn't have the gas money to go to them regularly. Instead, he and Amy start their own version of rehab, with John required to be ruthlessly honest about every 'twinge' he feels for another woman - even if that means calling Amy 50 times a day to confess that he found so-and-so attractive or that a woman is in his store (this being Hemlet, there's a good chance that random woman might suddenly offer up sex).I can't say this is the life or marriage I personally would choose - in fact, I know it isn't. It will be interesting to know if Amy finally throws in the towel when John inevitably relapses - or the day that their son Teddy moves far, far away because daddy won't stop hitting on his girlfriends. But it's a fascinating glimpse into a marriage that makes most of them look like a walk in the park.My main complaint with the book is that the author decides to tell the tale out of sequence, which doesn't work for this type of story, in which the realization of his 'addiction' is the backbone of the narrative. Without knowing if Amy is aware of John's cheating at a certain juncture or still unaware, her actions and thoughts can sometimes make little sense.Additionally, the author never delves deep enough into what may have caused John's addiction - she talks about a horrible childhood, but then tells the reader that he lied about most of it. So did child abuse contribute to this addiction or not? Does he have ANY clue about why he does this? The author clings desperately to the idea that making John brutally honest about his compulsion will stop it - but I think he needs to get to the bottom of what triggers his sexual acting out. Nor do we hear whether John has other obsessions, such as porn, or whether he's ever been with a man, both of which would make sense in the context of someone in the grip of a sexual addiction.John's 'adventures' are told to Amy, and therefore unreliable - in John's world, it's always the woman who pursues him sexually, and he is always a reluctant partner who never quite enjoys himself, something Amy relates back to the reader as if it was factual. My guess is there's a LOT John left out of his tales, but what he does 'fess up to is more than most husbands ever will with their wives.The writing is serviceable if not poetic, but one must admire the ruthlessness with which Amy delves into the hugely embarrassing matter of her husband's proclivities. If there's anything I can say to the author, however, who seems like a genuinely intelligent and empathetic woman - it's that she and her husband might want to move somewhere else with less temptation - like maybe Antarctica.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. Shocking... By Szoke Kutya Shocking - this is perfect description for this book.Amy is really strong, if she stay in this type of life. I don't know, if I would ever be enought strong in same situation. Respect her.Anyway - I really have no idea that some kind of "illness" can exist. It's just shocking. Whole book. Well written! Amy needs a lot of power to publish it, I think...I don't like "mixed" years as a chapters so much, because I was lost little bit, but afrer all - great book!
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