Beyond Stranger Danger: Smart Parents Raising Safe Kids, by Don Howell, Chris Iverson
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Beyond Stranger Danger: Smart Parents Raising Safe Kids, by Don Howell, Chris Iverson
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This book is intended to be a game changer on how America addresses the victimization of children. For decades we have heard, I never told anyone I was being touched, when we should have been hearing, No one ever asked if I was being touched. This may sound like a simple shift in perspective, but it's so much more. Think of the molested child or adult who has been telling themselves for decades, I never told anyone. The very statement implies that the child/adult is somehow at fault for not telling. When we grow up, we tend to forget how we perceived the world as children. As adults with fully developed brains and the gift of hindsight, we look back, see what happened, and say, I should have told someone or I should have done something different or I should have stopped it somehow. What people forget is that during the time of the molestation, they had the brain power of a child and therefore didn't have the ability to think their way out of the situation. Part of this thought process comes from the mantra, if someone touches you, tell someone. This sounds perfectly smart from an adult point of view, but to a child it makes little or no sense at all. Can a four year old distinguish between bath time touching and something more sinister? How many times a day do we ask our children, “Did you brush your teeth?” or “Did you clean your room?” or “Did you hit your sister?” We have to keep asking because children, by their very nature, don't volunteer a lot of information, especially if they think it is bad information. Few children come up and announce “I didn't clean my room today” or “I decided not to do my homework” or “I haven't brushed my teeth in a week”. Children just don't work that way, yet we have routinely placed the responsibility of identifying child molestation on their shoulders. This simply does not work. If you were molested as a child and have been carrying around the burden that you never told, does it change your thinking – perhaps provide a small measure of comfort - to know that the truth is no one ever asked? Because this is probably what happened; no one ever asked. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and other adults need to ask the question. That's what this book is about - changing the entire approach and in doing so creating an opportunity to drastically reduce the incidents of child molestation. The other part of this change is to know what to look for and how to understand what your children are actually saying. This book lays all of that out; it tells you the secrets molesters don't want you to know. Society doesn't need to be afraid of sex offenders. Society needs to understand how they think and what they do. Safety comes from knowledge, not fear. The first step is to understand that child molesters are not hiding behind every mailbox. Your children are probably quite safe. When you change the game from a child telling, to an adult asking, your children will be even safer.
Beyond Stranger Danger: Smart Parents Raising Safe Kids, by Don Howell, Chris Iverson- Amazon Sales Rank: #486169 in eBooks
- Published on: 2015-06-26
- Released on: 2015-06-26
- Format: Kindle eBook
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Most helpful customer reviews
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. If you have kids, you HAVE to read this (even if you're already a good parent) By Whitney Z The Pros:I can't describe how eerily realistic this book is.As someone who dabbles in reading books on topics such as psychology, mental illness, and dealing with childhood scars, I cannot emphasize enough how expert and practical this book was compared to the other crap I've read. (I didn't think the other books were crap until I read this one!)One of the authors summarizes this well at the end of the book: He says as soon as he found out his wife was pregnant with a girl, he read far and wide on how to protect his daughter from potential predators. Some books were too much of "popcorn reads" (easy reads but with little practical advice) and some books were too academic and large, requiring him to scour through enormous textbooks looking for SOMETHING he could apply to his own life.I, myself, have come across a lot of writers and commentators who seem more interested in sharing their "opinions" on childhood sexual abuse (and how to prevent it) rather than consulting an expert who's seen thousands of cases over a 30 year period.This book is CLEARLY written by an expert:*He discusses how children misinterpret things like "don't talk to strangers" and "tell me if anyone touches you"*He tells a dozen or so "fiction stories" that detail exactly how different types of child molestation happens, using realistic dialogue from the kid's perspective, the molester's perspective, and often the parent's perspective too. (Although, if you asked me, these stories are not fiction. They feel very real.)*He dispels myths about predators being creepy. Predators are often the NICEST people you know, the people you call "godsends!"The book is a simple read (it flows nicely and has a short summary at the end of each chapter), but I would not call it an "easy" read. I often had to set it down because the realism could be sickening. It's not too graphic...it's just a sickening subject to read about. The book does not contain any numbers or stats. I found it wasn't necessary - the common sense and logic used throughout the book made everything clear as day.The Cons:The only thing I wish there was more of, where MORE instructions on how to talk and interact with your kids. Maybe it's because I'm not a parent yet, so I don't see talking to kids as an automatic thing I'm good at, but I thought there could have been more instructions. There are SOME tips, but not a lot. I like to be overwhelmed by TOO MANY tips!This doesn't really count as a negative, but it is a self-published book, and there were a couple areas that might have been more neat and organized if it were professionally published. But, the quality of the book is still good.In Conclusion:This is undoubtedly a valuable resource for new or concerned parents. I REALLY hope this book is not one that falls through the cracks. If more people knew this information, a lot more children would be safe.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. A must read book for anyone who wants to keep kids safe! By KTM This book is critical for anyone who has children in their lives, to read. Whether you are a parent, a grandparent or other relative, a teacher, friend or just a 'concerned' adult, you will learn how to keep children safe. This books emphasizes that it is not so much 'strangers' as, the people you / children 'know', that are more likely to be child molesters. In a series of short stories, followed by a summary and then two critical learning points, you learn how a child molester 'works' to gain the trust of parents or vulnerable children. It allow provides practical information on how make kids safer and able to avoid these dangerous contacts. I am so glad I read this!
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Easy to read and well written By Susan D. This is, without a doubt, a "must have" for all parents. For too many years, we have taught children to "tell us if someone touches you"--this book, with it's helpful tips,puts the responsibility where it belongs--with us the adults, to start asking the right questions. Easy to read and well written. Not a quickie read--too many good points to ponder and put in your own parenting, grand parenting tool box. Great gift eye for Christmas for sure! And, it's about time that many of the normally missed types of victims and offenders were addressed. Excellint job!
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